To the Imam that got away.
Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wbarakatu my dear Imam Shaykh Abdur-Rahman
which means
May the peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be with you and your family and your loved ones.
May the peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be with you and your family and your loved ones.
I write this letter with emotions burning through the sky. I went to explain myself that I am among those two people who are struggling in the road to get to god with character so that I might be among those who represent the messenger of God in the future.
Many people do not understand that once you have done repentance you start on a new page many people choose to keep judging and keep looking at the actions of other people such as me.
A lot of people do not understand and that all this project and everything was turned in secret and I requested that I remain in secret unfortunately it was made very clear to me this has nothing to do with all the beautiful projects and all the beautiful words.
It was made very clear to me that the blessing of my father had reached me and I was just ignoring the fact that I am receiving an inheritance from my ancestors who were not just righteous but lovers of the family of the Prophet peace be upon them.
Especially my father who would make as resad beautiful Quran every time we had turbulence and sometimes we would think maybe one of us would lose your eyesight reading the book of God.
My father's determination on will and believe that the Lord will see him through is something I have never seen with any other person.
So I went to explain why I have such a bad character and why have said such bad things because I want to ask for your help and by asking for your help I want to tell you about my true character so that you don't get carried away by what has been said or what has been done by other people who have created and negative image about me.
Had it not be in the Silence of my teachers I would have never said a word and no one would have ever known who I am.
The Silence of my teachers is the approval I have used to move forward and bring changes and say what needs to be said two people of different ranks some people are higher than me some people are on a different rank. I believe I am on the lowest rent so I don't have anybody lower than me on Earth.
I can tell you my wife can testify to my character and how she miss uses my love for the messenger of God every time I'm angry or upset or she wants to win an argument she reminds me of the Beloved and it's all done she wins every time unfortunately sometimes it doesn't work on her.
My friends and family will testify to my character as a person who keeps his promise and a person who never betrays anyone or has ever inflicted harm on anyone anywhere around the world.
So all I have is the proof of my teachers and the the 20 some years of being the United States as a testament to my character and who I am and I hope that is enough for you to understand that everything that has been said about me is without a doubt miscalculated and they don't see the point that I am not as my actions recently have shown on Twitter I am just reaching to the other side of the Isles and I am doing what I did as a correctional officer talking to people from different perspective so that they can get on the same page and move on with peace and prosperity.
After explaining myself now I want to extend my hand and I will tell you certain details that I have never told anyone.
This project has cost me too much I have precious things in the pawn shop that has given me Agony and pain that has made me lose sleep and cry myself to sleep many times.
I would like for your help to relieve myself from the debt that depresses my chest and my heart I need to go and pay off debt to undo the damage and the burden that I've put on myself.
The total cost for what is in the pawn shop is $4,000.
I have to pay $1,000 loan that I received from family and friends to continue the project that is not yet complete.
I am I have reached no return and I have begged to the point where even my family my family and friends to help me with my fixed expenses which is no I don't All Time Low because today I have reached a new low that I cannot even take my loved one to the supermarket to buy basic things as such as bread.
My account has fallen to all time low as well.
I am a professional truck driver all I can go to work and make money in the drop of a hat unfortunately this winter and it's too dangerous and I found out the hard way.
I currently was working as a local driver but I had a few accidents and I know it's all about a record especially if you're black and you are Muslim and according to people in America my name is full of terrorism and Tara so everytime I apply for a job I get turned down just because of my name and I am proud of the fact I'm a Muslim and I don't care how many times I don't get a job I would never change it. It's so easy to apply for a job now it's just a click away and trust me I have applied over and over and there's always something blocking me but I just want to give you a small proof.
That does not stop companies like Infinity completely destroying my name take a look at this.
Note to self I'm the picture of Infiniti sending you mail completely screwing your name writing it as
ABD ONLY they're trying to do advertisement towards me and they can't even get my name right.
Anyway my wife and I love your lectures and we have listened to almost all of them and I will tell you some few things so you know that I actually listen to them.
I remember when you're talking about the person who used to come to the mosque all the time and when he was missing he told you he did not have any petro and you went on to have that conversation with him telling you don't take my blessing away from this you know what I'm talking about and if people want to know what the story about they have to watch your videos.
What about that man to talked about that person who came to Friday prayers and he was working at the gas station and he came and give water and you are so mesmerizing and you pray for that person all the time and I pray for that person as well.
I want to get the blessing of my mother who still alive unfortunately while I was working on this project my Lord chose to take my father away while he was in the middle of his prayer which shows you his rank I prefer him as much as I can and I asked for you to pray for him as well.
My father passed away and I had Financial circumstances that did not allow me to extend my hand and fulfill all of his obligation but I never failed to make sure that my communication and my affection was unwavering and overwhelming that is satisfaction with me was above everybody else.
My mother is the reason I stand here today and I beg now because she's about to go on a trip and I had a dream that she told me about.
She said I came to the house and I brought a suitcase full of money and she smiled.
Unfortunately this was just a dream because all I do to my mom is take and bring her nothing but failure with all my Endeavors and she has never turned away from me not for one second.
She accomplished great things that I hope to put into words with a book dedicated to her but the biggest accomplishment was dealing with someone who was a caliber of my father and who was unlike most people who ever walked the Earth.
She single-handedly to handle my father who was like a iron rod he had blood pressure and he always had enemies surrounding everything he did and he had to fight them off and my mother seem to always cool him down bring him back to his senses and never complain about any Financial issues that were on going.
So the point I'm trying to make his that I have reached a point where I just want to reward my mother and I went to pay off my debt and as a reward I want to travel back from where I am which is really ironic on Martin Luther King day I am in Atlanta Georgia but I am celebrating Malcolm X day in my heart and my mind and my soul.
So I ask you to extend your hand with the help of your community and shower Me With Your Love So that I might cut a ticket then come to England and unveil all my plans and explain to your community which would be the first one to finance me and my endeavors to be rewarded to hear me speak and to lunch my brands that I desperately need.
Can you believe the Muslim Community that is willing to raise everything that is cute and beautiful so that the world can change. Unfortunately I am too controversial to touch and I understand but what hurts me the most is that I unveil this project last year and I give to the CEO of lawn project and I told him take it all give yourself credit put me in the background and he treated me like a child.
And today the CEO of lunch good continuous to ignore me and humiliate me something that I do not forgive easily but because it's the character of my Prophet I have not gone after him with all my might or crushed him and publish to emailed like I do to the billionaire.
So once again I extend my hand to you and you community to get the blessing of leaving me of my stress and helping me to cut a ticket to go see my mom to unshackle myself of the chain of debt and to ring in the New Year with some pocket in my money and not to give up because I am at a point where my eyes and my miles are clicking through things I wish I never did and I am only human I'm not an angel and right now I need help and I extend my hand to you and your community to help me.
I have put enough down payment and work on the table that should have attracted people to just help me and let me pay my rent and let me go on finish my project if I would have had 5 or 6 or 7 or $8,000 I would have been able to finish everything that I'm supposed to do and all would have been well unfortunately people keep pushing me down they don't understand my Lord has given me the ability to dial up a new play and go to a new level and will stand even stronger.
The people of this Earth unaware that if I put my mind to something I will be successful because I will be relentless I will be consistent and precise I will be like a gathering River with my efforts and I will overwhelm everything and everyone until I get what I want.
So my dear friend teacher and mentor please help me and do not turn away from me in this moment of need I would like to cut my ticket today and I would like to go back and see my mother and I would like to go back to that pawn shop I promised them that I will pay for everybody who has put personal items just to borrow to meet the ends of meat so that they can just survive.
If people in the pawn shop just laughed at me and they said go ahead we can't wait for you to come back at now it's been 3 years and they have had the last laugh only because now I truly see that everything is coming Crashing Down and no one is around.
So I asked for your help how are your communities help or anybody you can employ her to help me so that I can say I turned to the Muslims in England and they did not turn away from me there are many who have turned away from me by my Lord will I will turn away from them for a while and I will reject all the donations and I will reject all the things and I will shut the door on them until I'm satisfied I will get my revenge on them by shutting the door on them and ignoring them and they will sit by my door like children until I am ready to speak with them that is the punishment for those people who ignore me for the blessing how's my Lord will be fulfilled on my head or he will take my soul because either way one of them has to give.
So I ask you how because I am in desperate need I'm in the United States I feel like I've been stabbed in the back and people have refused to give me a single dollar I take that as a personal insult and I cannot wait to shut the door on them as well. So I asked you to help me I will do the following.
I will come to your organization and I will explain my project in detail and you will get the full blessing.
So I do understand you're far away but I hope it's open letter reaches you with the blessing of the family of the Prophet peace be upon them who I cannot extend my hand to them they have charities and they have Mighty problems that they need to take care of I cannot turn to them when they are in need.
So please do not make me turn to the family of the Prophet peace be upon them when they're in need of my help and they have given me the seal of approval to do what I need to do to change the world ultimately I serve under them like a lion sitting next to them protecting them and honoring them ultimately I am here to pick up the shoes and announce their entrance and make sure they get their fair share of the inheritance of well that was left by the prophet peace be upon him that was founded by Arabs around the world by betraying the Ottoman Empire.
A lot of this Arab countries think that oil is what gives them power they forgot ultimately God is the one who gives power and Glory Beyond everyone and everything. The way I see it this is the ultimate revenge for the family of the Prophet peace be upon them that they have someone who money cannot buy who will never betray them and who will do everything in his power to make sure that their status in the society is restored and they can go about their lives reminding everyone the blessing of the family of the prophet and what they do for the World by bringing young men who make your problems go away.
So I have a lot to do and I cannot wait for your response even if you don't write back to me if I get enough I will cut my ticket and come I understand I am too hot like an iron rod for you to touch but your actions are better than words so if you do not write back you are forgiven and I will pray for you.
If you choose not to help I will pray for you as well and I will wish you well I am so proud of all your work and accomplishments and I am the biggest supporter with my prayers upon you and your family so don't worry even if you do not respond or you do not help you will not lose my grace and you will not lose my prayers you should always be in my heart God bless you and your family and your organization and everything you have done.